Depression

I know that it has been a while since my last post, but ironically, I tell everyone not to feel sorry for me and I start to feel sorry for myself. Suffice it to say, I am good as long as I tell myself that I am okay.
You see, I promised my 4 year old that I would quit smoking. I did this back in January and ever since, my little 105lbs body has gained about 20lbs and I don't like it. I tease that I am going to start smoking again, but I will give it time. I run, I try to eat right, but still pounds and after being a recovering anorexic, I don't like it. Help!!!

Pity

Don't feel sorry for me. I know that I have this awful disease that changes my life, but don't say, ohh, that is too bad, say " oh, you know what you could do....". That I can handle. I am a very independant person, who up until three weeks ago, worked 3 jobs. I don't make a lot and my college and university are lost on cleaning houses and babysitting, but I make due. In some ways I think that I have a better relationship with my son than many people do who are not challenged. We night tobaggan, take walks in the rain and hike through the shadey woods. I may be challenged, but it is a challenge that I can meet and take on head first. Just not into the sun because that would suck.

Brain Fog

Many of us with Lupus have it, we call it Lupus Head. If you have this or know anyone who does, it comes and goes. It is very frustrating.
Myself, I make lists. Lists of everything. They are everywhere. But they help me.
Organization and continuity also help because with routine I don't have to think about things I just have to do them.
I can't describe how bad it feels to have to walk around the house trying to remember what you were doing. It is extremely madening.
So if you know anyone like this, take to heart that we can't help it and it is one of the hardest symptoms to deal with.

Life Can Happen Fast...So Can Death!

Cherish what life that you have and make it the best that it can be. If that means smiling, acting childish with your children or taking a nap in the day, live. You only get to do it once. We all live through pain, tragedy and perservere. Make the most of the time that you have. Don't squander it..
For Jeanna...

Perserverance

Feeling good, feeling bad all in a matter of minutes. Pushing through the pain was the only way.
Yesterday, I thought that I was going to have to call someone to get my son as I thought that I was going to drive myself to the hospital. I sat in a clients bathroom for almost an hour wondering what I was going to do because it felt like something was trying to claw it way through my stomache. Well, it did finally pass, although the nausea stayed for most of the day, I was able to complete that house.
I pushed through the pain and perservered. But what do I do next time, when it doesn't?

Make you Life Yours

You know the saying "smile and the whole world smiles with you"? Well, in the case of Lupus I say smile because if you don't, you won't and it always feels better to be happy. I smile as much as I can, at who I can. Don't get me wrong, I have bad days just like everyone else, but living and dealing with this disease can make or break you. I choose to live as much as I can without making myself more ill.
Got to go, making an apple pie for dessert.

Don't let Lupus rule your Life

I know that it sounds like a pain in the ass, but the way that I learned to live with Lupus was to document it. I spent about a month documenting and analyzing everything that I did. With that said, it worked. I don't have near as many bad days when I avoid my triggers. Everyone has different triggers and I am so glad that I took that month to track this disease. I don't feel as guilty saying no when asked to do something because I know that it will make me sick and I am much happier, Not being sick.